There are better ways to cope. Don’t quit Smoking

More secondary students and their parents are looking for ways to quit, this topic often comes up at a Strengths presentation “How can knowing my strengths or Positive Psychology help me quit smoking?” so the advice is “Don’t quit. Choose not to have one next time you want one.”

For those who didn’t immediately pick up on that subtlety of syntax I shall explain. How often do we hear that we should not give up, we should hang in there, don’t quit?  I suggest we need to  look at the language that we need to use to help us achieve what we want.I have stopped smoking, I was a smoker for many years. I quit several times! I may still  be a smoker, deep down, but for all intent and purposes I have stopped smoking. I don’t enjoy it and I’ve developed better ways to cope.

Generally speaking we tend not to want to ‘Quit’ at anything. “”Quitting is for losers. Have you heard that before ? Imagine the protest  taken up in your synapses when you declare you are quitting:

You: “I’m quitting smoking”
Your Brain: “Ok…I have a lot of reference stuff here, memories of how quitting is not something you do or enjoy doing…um? I also have some very positive moments here when by not QUITTING you coped and managed to succeed…erm…shutting down to think on this, pass me a light would you?”

Make sense ? Consider this too, if I say “I’m quitting”  I have given up!” that’s a very bold statement. Very bold. Very finite.
The thing is, if I tell everyone this and then slip and have a cigarette then I have FAILED! Now the problem is compounded. I failed at quitting EEK!

Try this instead:  “I don’t want a cigarette, I choose not to smoke right now.” “I don’t want one today.” “Not right now thanks.”

Every time I refuse a cigarette or choose not to buy a packet or have a smoke free day…(whatever works for you), I have evidence of kicking a small achievable goal.  Each success makes me feel good, stronger and healthier. At the same time, If I do slip and have a cigarette, I don’t  feel like a total failure who has to start all over again. I acknowledge that this is a learning process,that I still don’t want another one, that this is one stumble on a tough road. I use this experience to help me make a stronger choice next time. It’s leverage but it isn’t guilt-ridden-abject misery related ‘FAILURE’

Learning to COPE without smoking is a smart goal.

So, small steps.  Accept slips as learning moments. Check the evidence for what caused your slip.  Owe it to yourself to go on from here and not have another today (or in the next hour.) Pick a wide variety of strategies that help you and Engage fully with one of the strategies and C.O.P.E

COPE deal effectively with something difficult: e.g the ability to cope with stress

The COPE model is a creation of Playworks® Oz